Women Can't Drive

Women can’t drive. There, I said it. Cook, clean house, rear children, manage municipalities, govern states, lord over countries...yes, but they just can’t drive. Perhaps it’s something in the jeans, uh-hum, genes.

The nerve, you say. Well, for seven days, I’ve observed drivers in the Rockville area and my research (unofficially) point to women as the cause of most of the fender benders that we find ourselves stuck behind.

The problem, I believe, is that women don’t give a dish towel about automobiles. To them, a car is nothing more than a tool, like a kitchen cooking spoon. Or an accessory, like a handbag or scarf. As a result, they’re compelled to multi-task,  applying makeup, talking on cell phones, texting, eating, drinking and even reading—all while behind the wheel.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that women can’t get from point A to point B. Or, for that matter, that all women can’t drive. It’s just that many don’t know (follow) the rules of driving. They don’t signal when making turns. Don’t leave space in front of a driveway and leave too much space between cars while stopped at lights. They have no idea how the alternate driving pattern works. And they could care less about the "right-of-way" rule.

Nevertheless, some problems can be fixed. First, put away the cell phone. Use the "blinkers" to show you want to turn. Check all mirrors. And lastly, consider driving smaller cars (reduces the margin for error). Sounds like driving school deja vu? Well, it’s back to basics, ladies.

Hey, you remember the high school geek who couldn’t walk straight and chew gum at the same time? They can’t drive either. And don’t even get me started on foreign drivers.